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Old People Bitching About Smart Phones

As I mentioned in my blog’s new intro, the inspiration for my premiere post occurred late last night, while out at the bar.

To give a little insight of my mindset at the time:

My group and I were forced to leave our previous bar because a couple of douchebags decided to get into a bar fight, which forced the bar to close an hour and a half early. We headed to another bar down the street, which is one of those places where you walk in, and everyone at the bar turns and looks to see who came through the door. It wouldn’t have been a bad place, but the atmosphere sucked. The people at the bar looked like that bunch of old regulars who feel they have a sense of entitlement to monitor the other patrons, or make business suggestions for the bar. The type of people that make me glad that I no longer bartend at sports bars.

So, I’m drunk, I’m a little bummed that we had to migrate from our original fun spot, and now I’m looking at all these other drunk faces that are trying to get a read on our group.

We spread out over a corner of the bar, and one of the girls and myself plop down next to some old fuck. She immediately whips out her phone and starts texting, which launches this asshole into his rant:

"There’s no way that your fingers can type faster than what it would take to pick up the phone and make a call!"

Shut the fuck up.

I look at him and exasperatedly respond that although he was probably correct, texting is actually more efficient way to communicate a quick message when competing with the bar noise and music. (Not verbatim, of course, but I’m sure I was eloquent and articulate.) The girl chimes in that, based on her texting speed, it was probably quicker for her to compose that short message than what it would have taken to make the phone call.

The dude responds with the SAME argument, as if it were a brand new counter-defense. He starts getting ready to go into a rehearsed tirade of how people spend to much time on their phones, but was interrupted when more of our group walked up. We turned our backs on what I’m sure would have been a riveting conversation.

Dafuq? We just sat down, and the first thing you do is start bitching? Old people are annoying as hell when they talk about “the way things should be.” I don’t care if they are 100% correct (most of the time they probably are), I don’t want to hear life lessons from your decaying, nasal-y vocal chords. Especially when it comes to anything phone-related: every old prick that has a problem with phones, has the same argument; I’ve heard it a million times.

I fully recognize that older people will never relate to the new technology that did not exist during their generation. So, why can’t they just brush it off and recognize the same fact? Why the lecture, over and over?

I didn’t get a smart phone until summer of 2011; prior to that I had the same cell phone from 2004: a Nokia “brick.” Zach Morris, eat your heart out. I was just fine without the smart technology, but I didn’t go around telling people that they don’t “need” a GPS, camera, game console, apps, etc. on their phone. It was just different lifestyles and preferences. The end.

The old people have their point: I do wonder what the future holds for the social skills of a generation focused on typed words. With all the electro-whatever waves passing through our heads, along with a direct connection to the satellites in space, how does it effect our health? These are questions that I’m sure a lot of people have considered, but smart phones aren’t going anywhere. And older people are just going to have to understand that it’s probably going to get worse. Shhhhhhhhhh, cover that decrepit mouth.

You would think before they reached that age, that they would have a grasp on what can and can’t be controlled in life. For those things that can’t, you cannot let yourself get worked up over it, or fight it, because that’s when you start getting crazy. Is this simple understanding something that gets lost as we get older, or do a lot of people not know this to begin with? I will do everything in my power to remind myself of this so I do not end up in the local bar yelling at some 30-year old to walk instead of teleport.

By the way, I am fully aware that I am bitching about old people bitching. To reiterate what I wrote in my intro, I take things in stride. Anything that does irritate me is short-lived before I find humor in it, or provoke it for entertainment value. I can’t tell you of anything that actually pisses me off for an extended period of time, because that emotion is rare in my being.

Anyway, it just chafed my butthole for a second. Old people, start a blog or something.