WTF and "Just"


2 small thoughts to comprise one blog entry:

First off, What the fuck?!!

I can't believe that it's already been 2 months, since I revamped this website, and I was full-steam into adding more content. Rainbows of open-schedule, some actual "LaLa time," and no additional responsibilities (other than the norm). Then, BAM!

Mom went into the hospital, I traveled to two cities for job #2, and job #1 required my presence. And once again, I was pulled away from my website which I REALLY, REALLY want to contribute to.

Like clockwork, the moment I planned something, a wrench was thrown into the spokes, and Murphy's Law had a good chuckle. WTF. Why does this happen?

I am not a superstitious person, but for almost a decade, I have refrained from writing anything in a planner. I noticed that whenever I did, something would occur, and the plans would get canceled. It sounds ridiculous, but when I stopped penning things into the calendar, things would remain concrete. Or perhaps because I did not need to conduct the action of crossing out the arrangements, my perspective was able to handle the curveballs?

Present day, I use the calendar on my iPhone for upcoming work (because I don't care if work gets canceled), as well as events that take place months in advance, from I first learn about them. But I still don't write them into my physical planner. My hand-written planner needs a different name other than "planner," because for years I have used it as more a recap/diary. I'll write what went on that day, and it's cool to look over the past weeks and see what I was up to. Whoops, going off on a tangent...

Mom is still poopy, but at home. And I am grateful to have work, especially when one of the jobs also pays by giving me life experiences via travel. It can be considered a luxury that I do not have time for myself, but oh, do I need it. Especially when this website is a large factor within that time.

Today is the first day, in over 2 weeks, that I have an entire day to myself. But alas, December is looking clear, and this immediate week is definitely clear. is getting a massage.

Although I will be adding more entries, I have another thought that is too small for its own post, but it kinda relates to the website, so can certainly fit within this entry:

It's the word, "just."

A few weeks ago, I read an article that women use that word more often than men. I don't care in the least over the >woman vs. man< shit. That type of crap annoys me; probably because I am sexist against my own gender. But I was intrigued by the headline because it was something that I had noticed about myself, long before coming across the article. When I proof-read my blog entries, I read them aloud and would often have to re-phrase sentences because "just" was slutting itself out all over my paragraphs.

The word, "just," seems to fit so perfectly because I always like to try to create a tone that,

"It's no big deal."

"It's/I'm cool."

"I'm humble."

Aside from the bottom-line of "woman-power," the article was beneficial to me because it made me redefine the word.

Instead of it being, "Hey everyone, it's no biggie!"

I now see the word as, "I'm a meek, scared little twat."

I hung out with one of my best friends, Cat, the other night, and she was telling me that she went through my website. She provided a lot of positive remarks, but did make an emphasis that I needed to edit the whole "I'm nobody" bit from my bio, and overall tone. Although I am not a public figure of any sort, it is unnecessary to proclaim this.

It is certainly not my intention to make it sound like I don't care about myself, and there's no reason for me to tell people that I am humble. So, I'm going to edit it, and I have already removed "just." Unless it means "exactly," or refers to timing, I am avoiding the word in future blog entries. I am not editing previous blog entries. Not only because that would take a lot of time, but also because the entries represent me at that time they were written; editing those would be silly.

I'm also not going to compose a conclusion or summary to this blog entry; this is where it ends.