Being a former lover of social media, I made accounts/profiles on many different platforms, and one of those platforms was tumblr. I already had a blog, and I was never quite sure what to do with my tumblr account. I did not have the schedule (or true motivation) to consistently contribute to a brand new theme, and I ended up just using it as a copy of my existing blog. Wah, wah.

BUT THEN, one night, while shitface-drunk, the lightbulb of thought turned on, and it all made sense. I could use my tumblr as an outlet to be unprofessional*, and bitch about things!

* At the time, I was on a path of working towards [somewhat of] a corporate job. While I had a tendency to be a little crude here and there, I still heavily censored myself.

For some reason, when I am intoxicated, I like to reference buttholes. Primarily my own butthole, but it is not exclusive. All buttholes are open game. And because this idea was hatched from an alcohol-induced state, the title flowed out like the intestinal contents of someone who drank the water in Mexico.

If you ever watched Family Guy, the title, Things That Chafe My Butthole, is a tribute to the episode when Peter Griffin had a segment on the local news called, "What Really Grinds My Gears."

As time passed, and I broke away from my desires of pursuing a corporate media job of sorts, the need for a separate website to host my uncensored side became null and void. I could do whatever I want on my own website, and I don't give a shit about who sees it, and what they think of it. This is MY home, twat.

Additionally, I began to ween off a lot of social media websites, and instead of keeping my tumblr account, I decided to transfer over my tumblr entries here, in their own TTCMB section.

Below is my original commencement entry, as seen on tumblr in 2013.


I don’t know exactly where the epiphany was derived, but a few days ago, I decided what I am going to do with this tumblr.

I created the account, in my love for web connection, and had no idea what to do with it. For years. (I think two years.) I started off just using it in the same fashion as I did with my main blog, but that proved redundant and didn’t really utilize the unique blogging options that tumblr offered.

Anyway, I have made the decision on what to do! Within my endeavors as a media host, there is a certain amount of censorship that is required. I won’t delve into my personal opinion of that just yet because that is a tangent that will comprise a blog entry in itself.

To those who already are connected with me, you may be surprised that I would say something about censorship, because I’m not exactly “politically correct” on my Facebook and whatnot. I don’t go off the chain either, and am certainly not saying that I’m hard core, or “fuck the man!” I’m just not exactly a “pure” representation of what a mainstream channel would want to hire (and I realize this may be a contributor as to what I haven’t been hired yet. — Again, another blog, another time, to delve deeper).

But a little bit of clarification is necessary: even though I am aware that I have to “say the right things” and “represent,” I disagree that I am forced to do this; specifically reserving my opinions and feelings in case it may hinder a future hire. My overall goal is to connect with the PEOPLE … not the channel, not the station, not the company. Yes, they do the hiring, but they are the middle man to get to the true source. The people.

And the people of 2013 don’t buy that sugar-coated, censored, smiley-all-the-time bullshit. No one relates to that. We swear, we poke fun, we like to laugh. For the small percentage of people who are offended and write their complaint letters about such behavior, there are tenfolds of others who “get it” and just want to be entertained while they learn. And I’d rather cater to the latter, who don’t have their panties in a bunch.

Every move I have made on the internet since 2009 has been thought about. I know the possible outcomes of every status and every tweet and every [insert social media term here]. It’s still “me” in every move, but it’s also positive-oriented to a certain point. My small rants have still been reserved, and are overall non-offensive and do not cause any kind of stir.

Well, I’m human. Things naturally irritate me. We all get irritated by petty shit. Even if we know the problem is small and pointless, it feels good to rant, and to have someone else go, “FUCK YEAH- I know that bullshit game.”

As a side note, I really do take things in stride. I laugh about a lot of shit that people find enraging. Most things can’t be controlled, or are bound to repeat themselves by the next dumb fuck. So why get upset over and over? For me, I just look at the same annoying scenario and say, “Well, that’s classic.” There are things that will naturally irritate me, but it doesn’t get so out of hand that I am dwelling on the instance, or that it will do anything more to me physically than cause an “internal” eye roll.

I have used more “quotes” in this entry than I feel comfortable.


I want to write about these eye-rolling occurrences. But no one wants to read a novel Facebook status. Twitter only allows a certain amount of characters. My main blog, which is embedded on my website, is not my temporary pedestal. Holy fuck! tumblr! That’s how I could use this bitch. Mother fucking eureka!

Remember Eureka’s Castle on Nickelodeon?

From here on out, I am using my tumblr as a channel to vent. These are small, common things that not only make me furrow my brow, but also cause me to laugh. These stories are told in my own language, no censor, no caring if anyone reads it or follows me, or agrees with me.

To the 14 people who currently follow my tumblr, this is a courtesy heads up of the change of direction. I’m sorry for the flip, and will not be offended if you choose to not follow me from here on out.

To anyone new, I welcome you to join me. If you do relate, misery loves company, so comment on this.

And as with anything internet, if you don’t like it, or don’t want to hear some random bitch whine, just close out your window. But inevitable, you assholes will still need to make your voice heard. So, I do not know why I am dedicating a small paragraph to you.

For the record, to showcase my writing (typing) ability, this INTRO blog is written after a ladies night out, at 4:00am, and after a pitcher of sangria, 2 vodka sodas, 3 shots Patron Cafe, 2 Georgia Peach shots, and an Old Style (it was the last one in a friend’s bucket and they were going to THROW IT AWAY. That piss beer sucks, but wasting booze is alcohol abuse!). As a reminder to myself, my premiere rant was going to be about old people complaining about smart phones, but now I’m tired and I think if I compose this premiere, my brain will melt into a glorious jelly. So, next time.

Thanks for your time, and welcome to my butthole.