Plastic Bags

I just don’t understand how these flimsy things became the norm for stores everywhere. Plastic bags are the second most annoying thing at the grocery store. The first being those lazy pricks who leave out their shopping carts in the middle of the damn parking lot. (That just may be my #1 pet peeve of all time.)

A few years ago (2009), I started to bring canvas bags with me, when I would do my gigantic shopping trip for the week, and I was like, “This is the best thing ever,” for a number of reasons.

First, it’s obviously eco-friendly. Anything that can be done to avoid wasteful and harmful plastic makes me proud for helping the earth, and happy for my health.

Second, it’s way more sturdy. I can throw in a gallon of milk, a papaya, a head of Romaine lettuce, a frozen turkey, and more into one of the larger bags I own, and would be more worried about my bicep tearing, than the bag.

And third, a lot more can fit into one of my canvas bags, than a bullshit plastic bag. Kind of going off of Reason 2, I have to make less trips from my car to my kitchen, because more items can fit into the canvas bags.

It’s like wins all around.

Plastic bags weren’t always the norm, so how and why did they become so common, to the point where people stopped bringing their own reusable, awesome bags, and now use plastic without a second thought?

I wish that everyone would just fucking stop using plastic bags, as the primary reliable source. They can be there as a backup. Like, when one makes an impromptu visit to the store and doesn’t have their reusable bag on hand, or even to wrap an item that will sweat with condensation, or maybe even to separate a cleaning product from food. Of course there are exceptions like these. But again, they should be the fallback, and not be the MAIN source (and then they should be recycled).

And/or opt for PAPER bags in those “backup” scenarios Although paper bags have their negative properties as well, I gotta tell ya: I don’t see paper bags caught in my tree, or flying around the streets.

A couple weeks ago, I had to pick up a couple bottles of champagne, and a couple boxes of pizza. Random, I know. But that was my assignment for a party.

I go to check out, and before the cashier can put any of the items in the plastic bag, I politely tell him that I did not need a bag, and would prefer to just carry it. He looked confused, and said, “Um, are you sure?”

"Yeah," I replied. "My man hand can easily hold those two bottles, and I’ll just hold the pizzas like a baby on my hip.”

He slid the four items down to the end, and as I was paying, one of the baggers who was making his rounds to the different checkout lanes, saw my items, and came over to begin bagging them.

"Oh, she doesn’t need them bagged" the cashier told the bagger.

The bagger was like, “WHHHAAAA?!!!" Not exaggerating. To the point where the bagger in the next lane over looked and was like, "Really?"

LOL! C’mon people! I get that part of their bewilderment was probably due to the fact that they were bulky items, but I found humor in it because the fucking plastic bags wouldn’t have made much of a difference. I still would have been paranoid over the bagged champagne bottles, and the pizza boxes didn’t require a “handle” in order to be carried.

As I said, my giant right [bartending] hand pick up the two bottles by their necks, and then I scooped up the pizza with my free arm. I pimp-walked over to my car, and went to the party.

Fuck plastic bags. When you check out, consider if you truly NEED a bag for your item(s), and try bringing in a canvas bag, just to see what it feels like. Just the tip. I think you’ll like it.