You Cough Like A Dipshit

C’mon, you dumb fuck.

Allergies, a cold, and bad diet are just a few reasons why you may have a little tickle in your throat and need to cough. It may be a weak “Ahem!” or it might be a deep, phlegmy roar. Whatever the case,


Or just as bad; maybe even worse:


Taking some information from Live Science, just one cough can contain 3,000 droplets of saliva, and some of those droplets can contain viruses. AND some of those bitches are cruising at 50 MPH.

Photo from Live Science, who credits Gary S. Settles/Penn State University.

Too often, I see careless people spewing their bodily fluids into the atmosphere, because they can’t take a fucking second to bring their arm to their face.

Or, someone does cover their mouth, but they use their hand! What the fuck is the point of that?! Instead of expelling airborne germs, you’ve now place them into your hand and are probably going to touch a million “community” objects; i.e. things that everyone else will also be touching. Door handles, menus, money, shopping carts… I can go on.

Use your elbow pit! Anatomically known as the cubital fossa, this little area is a prime destination for your spit and mucus pieces to live. Since, you know, your anterior elbow doesn’t touch everything around you.

(Unless you’ve had your forearm chopped off, then use your shoulder, bro.)

You’re a grown-ass-adult, not a little kid, so don’t fucking cough like one. It’s absolutely ridiculous that your brain hasn’t taken a second to simply think about what you’re doing.

So please, on behalf of the world, cover your mouth when you cough. Don’t use your hand, don’t use a meek little fist. Cough into your elbow pit, or something else that will not touch things or objects around you.

And don’t get me started on sneezing.

PS- This woman truly coughs like a dipshit. Found this while searching for “coughing” images on Google. Is she coughing, or giving a BJ?