Clarity

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06/17/2026

I’ve alway been highly meta cognitive; constantly looking inward and self-evaluating. When I reached my 30’s, I admittedly got lost in the sauce. I was still looking inward, but there was enough ignoring and suppressing, to where I was not living authentically.

Surface level, I felt very confident in who I was, and the life I was living. But subconsciously, I was going through the motions of something that did not align with my core.

I floated my way to age 36, and then I got humbled. I was in a relationship for almost 8 years, and I walked in to discover that my suspicions were true: I was being cheated on. My emotional world collapsed.

That was in 2019, and I would have to make an entire separate post with the details of the growth and discoveries that emerged, as a result of the breakup. However, it is necessary that I mention it, because once I got over the shock of betrayal, I was able to take accountability that I was ignoring so much. I was able to realize that I was disconnected.

That was the launch of me re-connecting to my own heart, and the beginning of truly loving myself. As I got more in touch with who I was, I started upgrading year after year.

I was able to start understanding that the aspects I had categorized as “woo woo,” was actually quantum physics, neuroscience, and heart coherence. I was able to start manifesting my reality.

I had done this in the past, but it was unintentional. Now that I was aware of the abilities that we are all born with, I started to really think about what I wanted, for all different areas of my life and identity.

This, of course, is ever-evolving, and I will continue to shape-shift for the rest of my life. Not to be confused with someone who is always looking for a “grass is greener” scenario, to fill a void. To elaborate, it is about reaching a goal, and then setting a new goal to challenge my mind/body/heart to become an even better person for this world, and more powerful for myself.

In 2022, I was unknowingly coming to a plateau in my progress. But then I went through another relationship breakup (I’m so embarrassed to admit that these breakups were my portals, but at the same time, I am fortunate that something worse was not breaking my heart).

This breakup was a little different, since it was not my first rodeo, and I had 3 years of growth under my belt. I was able to reconnect quicker, and open my mind and heart for new information.

In my hurt and confused state, I had to think to myself, “If this relationship was not a match after all, what about it was giving me so much peace and gratitude?”

I came to realize that this person had given me a sense of HOME. Intellectually, I knew that another person is not required to give yourself a feeling. I began working on what I needed to do, to achieve that same feeling with myself.

I had moved back into my property, where my family resides. And I started figuring out what I had to do to make that space my sanctuary/my HOME. But I was also cognizant that I would eventually move into my own space, so I also began envisioning what I wanted for that.

I adore managing a household. I enjoy cooking, budgeting, cleaning, lawn/garden maintenance, etc. In my visions, I wanted to continue managing my family home, while I took care of my own home.

TBD determined if that was with a partner, or not. At that point, having a romantic partner was not a priority for me. I was not against it, but I had so much fulfillment in loving myself, and being surrounded by love from my family and friends, that I was in a romantic relationship with life itself.

WELL, I did end up meeting someone, and although he is the most annoying person in the world, he is my match, and I moved into his house. For the past couple years, I have been making another HOME, and the foundation of my desires have manifested.

However, due to a lack of CLARITY, some details are unfavorable, and I have found myself in a small manifestation snafu. Hence the motivation for this entry.

I manage both households, as I wanted, but I did not specify that I needed help. It’s not that it’s difficult, but it is so time consuming.

While I will not being diving into any details of my loved ones’ lives, and why they are not able to help, I will say that I am actively working on an upgraded vision where I will be able to do my house managing, but also make time to creatively express myself on social media.

I have all this content I want to push out, but real life has always take precedence over social media. I have been playing this game for almost 20 years.

In the past, I had a couple of unhealthy coping patterns.

1.) I would immerse myself with work, to avoid facing my feelings. I’d earn a bunch of money and burn myself out, so I wouldn’t deal with any emotional pain.
2.) When my mom passed away in 2016, I stepped into the “mother” role to my siblings. I was doing more for the family and house, than myself. When I went to therapy in 2019, my therapist helped me to discover this.

I can’t help it; “Acts of Services” is 1000% my Love Language. I LOVE being helpful and smart about getting shit done! But for both coping patterns, I have broken the cycles. I make sure that I take care of myself and live my life with joy.

It helps to use the analogy of the oxygen mask on a plane. "You have to put on your own mask before you can help someone else.” Today is one of those days where I am reflecting on this, and really wanting to cater to my social media outlet.

As I get the CLARITY to reconfigure my home life, I am also going to get CLARITY for my social media desires. Even if I have a bunch of shit going on at the houses, I have to allocate time to do be creative.

But for you, dear Reader, as you reflect on your own life, and look to where you can upgrade, please be sure to get as CLEAR as you can. Get detailed. You will get what you want, but if you leave out the specifics, you’ll come up short.

Get the clarity before you take action. Because you if try to improvise, you waste time, energy and resources. You don’t know what you running towards, so you zig zag, trying to figure it out. The action part is the NEXT necessary part, in order to manifest.