How to Stop Stalking Your Ex

You've been dumped, you're hurting, and in between sob sessions, you find yourself infatuated with wonders of what your ex is thinking or doing. 

You may be doing something as small as creeping on their social media, to something more larger scale, like actually "showing up" at places they frequent. 

Or maybe you're not necessarily looking at their personal information, but studying articles or videos that attempt to reveal which post-breakup stage they are currently enduring.

This is energy-draining and counterproductive to your growth. Not to mention that, while there are certainly patterns that can be observed with human behavior and psychology, people are not math problems. There is no absolute law that says, "if they do this action, that means they're thinking this thought."  

Everyone has their own upbringing, societal influences, attachment styles, trauma... the combinations of all the life contributions are endless. They are their own person, and you are not a fortune teller, no matter how intuitive you are, or how much you think you know them.

But, don't harp on yourself if you are guilty of obsessing over your ex, after you've been dumped. It's perfectly common to want to gain some sort of control, especially when the breakup came as a shock. 

The energy that you're expelling into trying to decipher them, redirect that energy into deciphering yourself. Figure out YOUR thoughts, and YOUR feelings. Become an expert of yourself. The more you understand yourself, the more you will love who you are. 

Eventually, the goal will be to let go of wanting control, for so many things in life. But for now, make it a short term goal to let go of the old relationship and the need to control what happens next. 

It is in the past. 

Down the road, if you two do get back together (after you have both gone through enough discovery to be different people!), that will be a NEW relationship. So, it is necessary that you have to let go of the old relationship anyway.

"How do I stop stalking my ex?"

You're going to have to train yourself to redirect that obsessive energy back on to yourself. One day at a time.  

As I mentioned before, catch yourself, when you do. Stop whatever you're doing, take a beat, and have a conversation with your heart. 

Track what thoughts you had before you started going down the rabbit hole, what ignited you to start investigating? Was it a memory, did you hear gossip, were you just simply lonely? Recognize what triggered it.

Homework: catch yourself! As soon as you feel your heart sink (as one example of many possible bodily reactions), listen to your body to catch yourself, and STOP whatever thought or behavior you are doing in the moment.

Tell yourself what you are doing, without being mean to yourself. Just as if you were floating on a river, and other objects are floating alongside of you. These thoughts or actions are here briefly, and then they pass by. It's already happened; the moment is gone. Keep floating.