Rewire Your Program

"What’s wrong with me?”
or,
"Why am I not good enough“

are questions you could be asking yourself when you’ve been dumped.

There is the overall feeling of rejection, but also deep insecurities are now being unearthed. 

Even if you have a support circle around you, that is affirming you with your beautiful qualities, it’s not as easy as flipping a switch to turn off the thoughts of self doubt. 

Intellectually, you can know your good qualities. But emotionally, you’re still offended, and still feeling bad.

Use it.
Use this pain. 

When in a moment of pain, we will want to do anything to make ourselves comfortable again. But since you’re already out of your comfort zone, now is the opportunity to use it and project yourself into a better version of yourself. 

Once you survive this (and you will), you are going to be smarter, stronger and better than ever. It’s a glow up... for your spirit.

Use it to begin your shadow work, and heal yourself beyond the breakup. This is your moment. 

When we feel bad, it is quite literally a message from the body. Maybe something that got buried, either intentionally, or subconsciously as a defense to trauma. 

If someone says something to you and it upsets you, on some level you agree with the words. Because if you disagreed, and were confident about its opposition, you’d be like “wtf are you talking about?”

If you find yourself upset, mad, or triggered, then you can know that there’s something inside you that needs to be addressed.

Whether your ex actually said specifics to you, or you assumed inside your head, based on your own self doubts, write down those words or thoughts that are bothering you. In what way do you think that you’re flawed? And furthermore what are you scared of?

Then start to remember, what happened over the course of your lifetime, where you were put in a position to believe that those flaws? what happened to develop your fears?

For example, let’s say that you think that you’re not attractive enough. 

Your ex didn’t actually say this to you, but you find yourself thinking that, "they never would have dumped you, if you looked a certain way."

Did you have a parent or caregiver that put a huge emphasis on looks? Were kids mean in elementary school?
Maybe you are conventionally attractive, but that’s all you’ve heard growing up; no one has commented on your humor or your intelligence, and you’ve come to be convinced that’s all you have to offer.

If you’re able to pinpoint moments in your life that contributed to this fear, understand that those moments created a wiring within you. And that you have the ability to rewire it to the present day.

Especially if there were moments of trauma that have been suppressed in your subconscious. An analogy is that you’re a computer, and this is a program that’s running in the background. It is possible to reconfigure the hard drive.

Everything that we have anxiety about, is based on some sort of fear. As you dive deeper and deeper you will come to understand your triggers, and you can start affirming yourself with the opposite.

An example affirmation could be:

“I am beautiful on the outside, just as I am within.”

Write an entire paragraph in your breakup notebook under this headline. 

Then, use a voice recorder (more than likely the one on your phone), and record yourself reading the headline affirmation and the corresponding paragraph. Listen to this everyday. 

This may seem cringey at first, but this will literally form new brain synapses. You rewire your brain so it is running on the new programming. Afterwards, your emotions will follow, you will truly feel it, accept it, and believe it. 

As you're addressing these things, always know that there is nothing that is "broken." There’s nothing that you need to "fix." You are updating a programming that is outdated. A software update.

And be patient, especially if you’ve been running on a program for decades. 

This is a good thing, find ways to look forward to this reprogramming. Enjoy the process.

Closing with this PSA:
This entry is an exercise that you could do on your own, but the absolute best thing you can do for yourself, is to find a therapist. Everyone needs therapy, and especially if you have some deep and traumatic events in your life, talking with a professional will assist you to face these events in a healthy manner, and also give you tools to cater to your situation.