Obsessed with Ex

In my last entry, I said that you need to start catching yourself, when you exhibit stalker/obsessive behavior and actions upon your ex that dumped you. 

Today, I'm elaborating on an example conversation that you can have with yourself.

After you’ve caught yourself, first ask yourself, "What caused me to start obsessing?" 

Whether it was a general feeling of loneliness, you heard some gossip, you were ruminating the break up conversation, etc. 

After realizing what triggered you, narrate what happened in its entirety. Do this, as if you are the voiceover on a movie, or the narrator of a book. 

It doesn’t matter if you say this inside of your head, or out loud. But, I recommend saying it out loud, so that your ears can literally hear yourself. 

And construct the sentences in the third person. I will use a made up scenario with myself, as an example.

As Lauren was cleaning her closet, she came across John Doe’s (her ex’s), hoodie. She had the hoodie, because John Doe had given it to her to keep warm. Lauren missed moments like that, knowing that John cared for her. She then wondered if John was giving his hoodie to someone else now. She pulled out her phone to go look at John’s social media following. To her dismay, the following count went up by two. She had a blanket of anxiety thrown over her, and that’s when she caught herself.

In this torturous example, I'm seeking info and observing something potentially hurtful. 

When I got anxiety over him following 2 more people, I just saw that number, then I started to guess at what that can mean.  

I don’t have any real proof; this leaves me to fill in the blanks. When I fill in those blanks, I’m already in a fearful and scarcity mindset. Do you think I’m going to insert positive thoughts? 

John Doe may have followed a couple comedians or musicians. Or, maybe he did follow a woman that he’s interested in, and her friend. 

Now, I can continue digging, and perhaps get real proof but this can go two ways: 

Either I see that he followed something non-threatening, and for a temporary moment, I say to myself “phew.” 

Or, I do find out that he is indeed following women. And then I can start investigating one of the women, and I discover it’s someone who works with him. And then feel MORE pain because he is moving forward without me. It doesn’t matter if it’s technically a rebound. It still hurts.

It doesn’t change anything what has happened. The old relationship is still over, I’m still single. And yay, I get to relive the feeling of getting dumped all over again.

It serves no purpose. 

My energy, my time, my spirit… Wasted. And, now my closet isn’t even clean because I felt too defeated to finish the job. That energy and power that I gave away in the needs to be reeled back and realigned onto me.

Luckily, I caught myself before it got out of hand. I did the narration, talked myself through what just happened. 

I’m back in the present moment, back to reality. Now it’s time now time to have a conversation with myself to regain my power. 

Sidenote:
I need to mention that when you catch yourself wasting your power, to not judge yourself and spend even more energy kicking yourself. 

Healing is not linear, and sometimes when you think you’re doing really good, you then have a fucking shit day where you feel like you lost all your progress. You didn’t! 

Intellectually, please know that healing is going to go like a roller coaster.

When you do have these moments, understand that this is an opportunity to pivot, and make yourself better.

The conversation that you have with yourself, is to remind yourself what is going on right now. 

Be in the present moment. 

The past has completed itself, it can’t be changed.
The future has not happened yet, and you have a choice to look forward to it. 

One day at a time, so when you have your conversation, have it for THAT day, for THAT moment. 

The conversation:

"What do I want to feel?" Is the main question.
What are things that would get you to that goal feeling?

The things that you list, do you really need those things or those people, to feel it?
Do you really need to rely on certain circumstances to get there?

Or, is there something that you can do for yourself, with your own heart, with your own spirit, to achieve it? 

These are the beginning steps of truly manifesting your reality. This account will be diving more into that. If you believe this to be woo-woo bullshit, I assure you that it is indeed science.

There is so much more to being a human, and I know that you know this.

If you do not already have a notebook, that is dedicated to this break up process and how you are healing, it’s time to get one started. Earlier I said that you need to say things out loud for your ears to hear it... you also have to write things down so that your eyes can literally see it. 

Get it out of your head, to make some space!

As you tap more and more into empowering yourself, you’re gonna understand that the emotions that you feel are messages.
Messages on what exactly you need to do to upgrade yourself.

Your notebook, is going to be your "spell book." This is, an analogy, of course, but it truly will be a prize possession, and resourceful tool as you level up.